Deep Sea Monsters 3/19

Here’s an example of the thing I fear most on this earth: deep sea creatures. Not only do they come in weird shapes with odd proboscis and needle teeth as long as your finger, not only are they from a place with pressures that would compact you to the size of a soda can, they are freaking BIG.



Look at that thing.

I should remind you that it’s a SHRIMP. Yeah, the deep sea version of a prawn, this thing should give you an idea of what the rest of its neighbors are like. Worms as thick as your arm, squid as big as a Jeep Cherokee, and fish as long as 10 feet or more; it’s enough to make me want to move to Nebraska and get as far away from the ocean as possible. Far, far away.

I don’t think it’s any wonder then that stuff like Cthulhu freaks me out. Mock me if you want, but when I read about monsters that “move in slippery slaps of green feet” with “flabby claws” and an “awful squid-head with writhing feelers” I want to cozy up next to the monster under my bed. At least HE has fur and can’t swim (I presume). Every person in Lovecraft's stories who meets the sea-god-thing dies, usually in a pretty miserable way.



I don’t want tentacles around me. I don’t want slime on my skin, and I certainly don’t want my poor brain to try and make sense of a creature older than the dinosaurs and far more bizarre looking. What do their fish brains think of when they see a man? Do cephalopod mouth parts clatter and click in anticipation of a juicy man-finger carelessly left within biting reach?

Ew.